Like Scott, I did love college. It was where all the Lumbering Dead seeds were sown. Art classes destroyed any interest I had in taking art seriously. Media studies began my interest in mise en scene and narrative. I became a total film geek. Comedy was the new rock ‘n’ roll. My best friends were friends for life and I blew a relationship with the girl of my dreams right out of my arse. Throw lager into that mix and the result was inevitable.

“I need a slash” was put in purely for my mum. It incenses her more than Sun articles on paedos.

Big Al will add ‘mayor’ or ‘yes, mayor’ to the end of any particularly crude, vulgar or grammatically incorrect sentence I say. It cracks me up every time. It’s like if any of us do something particularly un-cool or clumsy, like tripping over a sleeping Alsation en route to chatting-up an attractive girl at a bus stop, he’ll say, ‘Just like James Bond’