I’m the most laid-back, easiest going bloke in the world but even I can’t express without breaking something how infuriating the real-life Sallyanne was! People would always say ‘You’re so harsh on her. She can’t be that bad,’ until they met her. That girl would try the patience of a sniper but with those teeth the odds are he wouldn’t miss.

Ruth is my reaction to the persistent stereotype that keeps appearing in male written, slacker-culture films and comics, the super-hot, girl-next-door. Always presented as these virginal, bloody, do-gooders. Surrounded by gushing sycophants and worshipped like an idol. They don’t exist! They’re a product of male fantasy. Show me one in real life and I’ll show you a girl who just knows how to cover her arse a little better than the rest. It’s like my mate Matt said, “If they were that good they’d be a nun. For the reason they ain’t gettin’ none.”

Terry Nutkins. A nubby fingered salute.